i was sick in bed. he was at a dodger game.

:(

today i saw him for about 15 minutes. i introduced him to a friend of mine. they have a lot in common. music. he asked him to hang out today, and "jam out." so he drove 30 minutes. picked him up, came over , ate, and left. i got invited but 5 guys and me??? idk. i could tell emmanuel would not have felt comftrable if i went. i said no he didnt insist. his friends did. a phone call would be nice. weekends are the only times we hang out. school, work, 3o min. distance, gas. weekends are good. :( uhhhhhhhh................

Sunday night. i finally turned the t.v. off. selfpity. im 17 and home, all the time. im in a relationship, i have been for 3 years and 4 months. he is good to me. emmanuel is 21. and well he is a guy. he is into music. he will be a big music producer soon. i love to hang out with him. he is my best friend when he can be. if im not with him im alone. i distanced myself from friends. i dont hang out. i go out, but just with him. because i choose to. i miss friends but i dont feel like regainig. i refuse to live in the moment, but at times i know i do. i hate in living in the high school moment. i tried parties. tried friends. tried drama. i got over most of it. i push things. i get him mad plenty. i have no one to talk to so i write when in mad. sad. sad. bored. today all of the above.